The Evolution of My Romantic Endeavor

I

I wore your presence
like a sweater,
if only to keep out the cold
that came when you walked into my life.

II

I trod lightly
on your scars,
listened
to your heart,
burned myself
with your flame,
and let all of it
consume me,
and feed me,
and take me,
and make me
your own.

III

Waking up
was falling down
from a high I never knew I’ve reached.
Where would I be now
if I had never
found my feet
and used them
to walk away
from you?

Marie

The Manobo Girl

Her eyes used to stare back at me,
the empty look she gave
haunting me in my child-like daze.
Her face was a mass of pencil strokes,
lovingly preserved under glass and a picture frame.
I wonder how he captured that look;
I never dared to ask.
Even when he came,
like a ghost in the night,
I never spoke the name,
her name,
scribbled underneath,
next to his.

It was only for a moment
that the artist came into my life,
and as he left for the final time,
he took her with him,
the Manobo girl whose face I could not ignore,
leaving my wall unadorned.

Marie

A Manobo Woman (Image from Wikipedia)

Note: I have an uncle who is a visual artist currently living in the United States. Growing up, I was rather entranced by a sketch he made of a Manobo girl’s face (for a little background, the Manobo are an ethnic group of people living in the Mindanao region of the Philippines). That sketch is no longer here in my home, as he had them collected to be brought back with when he returned to the US after a brief visit a couple of years ago.

How “Forever” Begins

Let us have today
and this little pocket of time
we call now.
Let it stretch farther out,
beyond what our eyes can see;
let it go on into forever.

Marie

“Forever — is composed of Nows —“

Emily Dickinson

I Can Never Stop

I can never stop wanting you
when you hold me like this
and I drift off into the clouds,
never to come down again.

I can never stop needing you
when you wipe away my tears
and I feel the pain ebb away,
to be replaced by your warmth.

I can never stop loving you
when your kiss feels like the first
out of the many others we have shared,
knowing nothing else compares to you.

I can never stop,
no matter how hard I try,
not when I know
that my heart belongs to you.

Marie

Photo from Pexels

The Mystery Blogger Award

I feel like the luckiest person in the world right now to be nominated for The Mystery Blogger Award by two bloggers who I’ve come to admire for their creativity and talent. Do give some love for Astha of Writing feels good and Jojo of Jojo Al-waealy. Thanks to the both of you for your nominations.

The Rules:

• Display the award logo on your blog.
• Thank the blogger who nominated you and provide a link to their blog.
• Mention Okoto Enigma, the creator of the award.
• Tell your readers 3 things about yourself.
• Answer 5 questions from the nominee.
• Nominate 10 – 20 bloggers.
• Notify your nominees by leaving a comment on their blog.
• Ask your nominees 5 questions of your choice, including 1 weird or funny question.
• Share the link to your best post.

3 Things About Me:

• I am a Psychology graduate. Taking up this degree is one thing that I’ve never regretted doing because I’ve learned so much about myself and it gave me a better understanding of why people behave the way they do.
• I grew up with 7 dogs in our house. Six of them are already gone, but my family still cherishes the memory of them.
• I have a phobia of blood and open wounds. I could never sit through a movie that involves a lot of bloodshed in it. I even nearly passed out when the medical technician took blood from me for my medical exam.

My Best Post:

Realization – it’s not a free verse poem like almost every other poem I’ve posted on my blog, but I’ve always been rather proud of this one.

Now, for the Questions…

I’ve got two sets of questions to answer, so this is going to be a rather long read.

Astha’s Questions:

1. What are you completely over and done with?

• I’m done with pretending to be someone I’m not. There was a time when I wanted to be like the most popular girl in my class just so I could be accepted by everyone, until one day I decided that I would rather be who I really am, and having found people in my life who love me for me is the best thing in the world to me.

2. What’s the most important thing COVID-19 taught you?

• COVID-19 had become a window that revealed many people’s true selves. On the one hand, it showed us the true beauty lying within the hearts of some people, and on the other, it gave us a glimpse at what lay behind the masks others wear (this is becoming a little bit political so I would rather not go any further. I think it’s best to keep my political views off this blog).

3. What random stranger has had the biggest impact on your life?

• That random stranger who I’ve come to respect and admire for their resilience in spite of the hardships they’ve encountered in life, who never judged me even after I’ve opened up about my darkness.

4. If you could put your brain in a robot and live indefinitely, would you?

• No, I wouldn’t want to live forever while everyone I’ve come to love slowly wither away.

5. What do you wish you had more time for?

• I wish I had more time to unwind before I had to face another stressful day at work lol.

Jojo’s Questions:

1. What are you afraid of? It can be anything.

• I’m afraid of disappointing everyone. I have always been an achiever, and even the thought of letting people down gives me so much anxiety.

2. What do you do to be good for your environment?

• At home we practice things like waste segregation and energy conservation. We also try to live a quiet life so as not to be a nuisance to our neighbors.

3. As what animal would you want to return if you would die?

• I would like to be an eagle, strong and powerful, plus I would like to be able to fly.

4. What has been your favorite childhood memory?

• Travelling to my relative’s farm in Bulacan (a province in the Philippines). I remember going there one time with my aunt, uncle, cousin, and grandparents, just exploring around the house and looking at the animals and watching the grown-ups pick mangoes from the tree. Living in the city, I didn’t get to experience a quiet a time such as this, and looking back at it makes me wish I could return to that place.

5. Did you ever do Karaoke in front of a audience? If so, how was it > If not, Would you like to do it?

• I’ve done so a couple of times. No Filipino social gathering is complete without Karaoke lol. I’ve always been nervous about doing it, and I’ve always managed to mess up pretty badly. The last time I did it was the New Year’s party at my friend’s house. I sang Terrified by Katharine McPhee and it was the first time I actually nailed a song (I was still super shaky while singing and I felt like I was about to cry but I managed to live through it hahaha).

My Nominees Are:

• Sidharth
• DR Bogdan
• kinge
• T.N.
• ben Alexander
• The knight of the pen
• Poet of the Light

My Questions:

1. What did you want to be when you were a kid?
2. What do you love most about life?
3. Do you prefer books or movies?
4. Who is your favorite author?
5. If you could go back in time, what day would you want to relive?

Thanks to everyone here who continues to support my blog. I hope you all enjoy the rest of your weekend ^_^

I Survived

I survived you
when you held me
and I was vulnerable
and I let myself go.

I survived you
even as I wasted away,
in the corner,
watching you go.

I survived you
and what was left in your wake,
and every storm that came after,
letting all of them go.

I survived you,
and I will keep on surviving you,
until the day
I can finally
let you go.

Marie

Photo from Pexels

Pretty Lies

If we could break
this sullen silence,
what would we say?

Our secrets lie
behind closed doors,
waiting for the light
to shine through.

I hold my tongue
as you twist your words
around your fingers,
honeyed promises
falling from your lips.

I taste that sweetness
on your tongue,
and my heart aches for more,
reaches out for more,
to cleanse my soul
with your flame.

Please tell me
those pretty lies.
Tear open
my fragile heart.
Give me the words
I want to hear.
Take my innocence
and set it on fire.

Marie

Morning Light

As soft as the morning light
that slowly spreads in bright colors,
casting silhouettes along the pavement,
my steps are gentle, a lover’s touch,
easing away the pain the night has brought.

The smell of coffee hangs in the air,
a magnetic scent, all-too-familiar,
jolting me, a welcome sensation,
coursing down my throat
and into my veins.

Another cycle begins,
of waking, and dreaming, and falling asleep,
until the evening comes
to cast a different set of shadows
to be extinguished once again
in the morning light.

Marie

Photo from Pexels

Rise

IG: bncamarie

Dear Diary

IG: bncamarie